My Dad

Six years ago today my wonderful dad passed away.  It's hard to believe that it has been six years.  Candidly, I don't find the anniversary of his death an upsetting day.  I think when someone you loves passes away you prepare yourself for the big days...birthdays, anniversaries, holidays.  It's all the little things you miss.  Their hugs, their habits, their laugh.  The little reminders of who they are.  

I miss all those little reminders about my dad:

• His laughter that resonated through the entire room.
• His funny little observations...when you are interviewing someone, look at their shoes.  If they polish their shoes, it will tell you they're organized and take care of details.  (Yes, I gave my shoes a quick polish before church in his honor).
• When he would walk with you on the sidewalk, he always made sure he was on the outside to protect me.  Forever the gentleman.
• Him buying my mum flowers almost every week.
• The way he took care of my nana's grave site.  We lived in Ohio and my nana was buried in New Jersey.  Whenever we went back, he would go to her grave and make sure that you could see the headstone and that it was neatly trimmed.
• His hugs.  Holding his hand.
• His laughter when Ryan first starting playing sports and the boys were a bunch of bumble bees on the soccer field and playing in the dirt at baseball.  More than a few times I told him to stop laughing so loud!
• His pride and love for his family.

My mum and I went to mass and his grave yesterday as we do every year.  I also went on Christmas Eve.  On Christmas Eve, I made sure his grave was clear of snow just as he would have done for his mum.  While I was there, I saw the most beautiful scene.  A group of men all bundled up standing around a grave.  It was early in the morning, about 10:30 and freezing.  They all had beers in their hands.  Clearly toasting someone they love and sharing memories.  Althought, it was strange to see, it made my heart happy.  Clearly the person they lost was truly loved.  I am sure they loved the person they lost as much as I love my dad.

I miss him, but I know that he still continues to shape who I am every day.  I have conversations with him in my head...and I know he's listening, guiding and loving me.